Do I need to know what's wrong before I start counselling?
This is a question I get asked a lot more than you might think. For some, the preconceived idea about starting therapy is that you identify something about you that you wish were different, for instance, struggling to deal with grief, or a paralysing social anxiety. A lot of people approach therapy believing they know exactly why they are coming and what they want to see change.
Counselling without knowing what's wrong
However, there are a lot more people who would benefit from counselling but hold back because they can't put their finger on a particular thing that they want to tackle. You might be feeling a more generalised anxiety that seems to rear its head at the most random times. You might be feeling stuck and have no idea what to do with that feeling. You might find yourself angrier than you'd like, or occasionally crying over something inconsequential. These are all great places to start in counselling.
What to talk about in therapy
In counselling, we talk through the situation, laying it out and looking at it together. Are there links that you were too close to the situation to notice? Is there a theme here? When did you start feeling this way? What changed? This kind of self-reflection is not taught in school and can feel strange to start with. How many of us have friendships that only touch surface level subjects? It's rare to have the full attention of your conversation partner turned to you and what you're honestly dealing with, and it can take some getting used to.
It doesn't matter if you aren't quite sure of your counselling goals in your first session, you can still make a start. As you begin to open up to a fellow human being, you may experience some change that you don't recognise as growth for some time. Being met wherever you are with care and respect is empowering. Being understood in a way people rarely are lets you feel truly heard and seen. And being appreciated rather than judged, no matter what you share, can lead to more self-compassion as well.
Understanding can come through the process
It may take time as you come to understand that this truly is a safe space and that you can rely on your counsellor, but as you grow in confidence, you may discover a good deal more about yourself. In my experience, the topic that people start with often leads on to a better understanding of what they need. Counselling isn't necessarily about arriving with a clear problem and leaving with a solution. Many, many clients end their session with 'I didn't know I was going to talk about that today, but I'm just glad I did.' You don't have to come in with a plan, only be curious about yourself and willing to see what happens.