(This is a longer article for those who have a budding fascination with counselling. You do not need to understand this to start therapy, but you may find this interesting.)

Starting therapy is a big deal, even for people who know how much it can improve lives. I'll let you in on a little secret now. As part of training to become a counsellor, we all do our own therapy so that we are not unconsciously bringing our own assumptions and perspectives into your session. Even though we study how people benefited from different types of therapy, it takes some people a long time to work up the courage to begin their own counselling. Wanting to support others is easy. Offering yourself that same grace, compassion and attention? It's not easy at all at first. In fact, for some people it can be paralysing, causing even more internal battles and negative thought spirals. So let us see if we can smooth the way a little.

Fear of the unknown: First of all, starting anything new can be scary. It's a common part of the human condition to shy away from change and unfamiliar circumstances; sticking with the familiar kept our species alive for thousands of years so it makes sense that we're wired this way. Unfortunately, giving in to this aversion can also mean staying in situations that are upsetting or even dangerous. It can mean repeating distressing patterns again and again even though part of you is desperate to break the cycle. Recognising that 'step one' means the discomfort of meeting a person you don't know and discussing difficult topics, is an important start. And being able to do so from the comfort of your own safe space can be very reassuring, which is why online therapy suits so many people. Once you've made that initial connection, the fear of the unknown will fade and through consistent, regular meetings, trust will begin to grow. 

Fear of judgement: You may be holding back for fear of being judged, either for your actions or beliefs, or even your fears, your shame. The point of counselling is that it is an environment where you learn you can speak openly without fear of judgement, but I understand that this takes trust and trust only comes with time. Some of my clients (those with more confidence) have been able to launch into the area they wanted to focus on. Others have taken far longer to get to the crux of the matter, and that is fine too. I'm happy to work at your pace, because I've had conversations with clients about how worried they were about sharing certain aspects of their lives at first, and I'm so glad they slowly gained the confidence to do so over time. In testing out talking about it with me, they often gained the courage to start speaking about it with other important people in their lives too. 

Fear of rejection: I've also had clients (more than you might think) who confessed at the end of our time together that they had been worried they were actually going crazy, that they were broken in some way, or shamefully weak. Let me be clear. You are coming to counselling for support. We all have times in our lives when we need support, and reaching out for it is incredibly brave and already deserving of respect. Here are some things you can expect to receive from counselling: validation, kindness, trust, empathy, unconditional positive regard. You can expect me to be a real person, a fellow human, who wants to listen, to support, and to allow you to feel.

Fear of emotional distress: Feelings themselves can be terrifying. When you have shoved all uncomfortable or painful emotions in a box for years, the idea of opening it even a crack can feel overwhelming. You will not be alone. A good counsellor will support you to move at the speed you need to go. It's all about balance, and we know that you can't rush ahead. It's okay. It's okay to cry, it's okay to swear, it's okay to feel panic in your body- you are safe, you won't die. You are not alone. 

Confusion over technical psycho-babble: Another stumbling block that often trips people on the way into counselling is all the technical language- the 'psychoanalytic', 'transactional analysis', 'MBACP Accred.' etc etc. So what does it all mean? Well, let's break it down. Often, a counsellor will mention a theory that they have particularly trained in or lean towards. For instance, I am an 'integrative' counsellor, which simply means I was taught many theories of counselling and how to work in a flexible way so that I can tailor my style to suit each individual client. Here is some information on other ways of working you might hear about: 

An anxious client who is looking for some support in preparation for a flight may prefer some techniques from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which focuses on changing the way we think and act to influence how we feel. This is the go-to NHS favourite because it's the easiest to do in a short time frame and produces measurable results if the client commits. However, it's personally not my favourite because it does not allow time for examining the root cause of why we act the way we do. Personally, I believe that often, if we ignore the origins of a behaviour, it will re-emerge in time, perhaps in a more debilitating way. So that's why I enjoy working integratively, because I can introduce a little CBT but also invite the client to explore what else may be influencing the situation. 

This means that most clients who come to me do so not for a short course on managing their emotions, but for lasting change through self-awareness. If this is you, perhaps you would prefer a style that edges more towards 'Person-Centred', which involves trusting that deep down you are the expert in your own life and contain the inner resources you need. Or you may be looking for a more analytical means of support- someone to delve into your past with you, unafraid of what skeletons you have in the closet, to help you make essential links between what you experienced and how you behave now. These are links that everybody would benefit from learning more about, bringing our instinctive reactions under scrutiny and making conscious choices about how we want to be in the future. This is a more 'Psychodynamic' way of working. Both of these styles are incorporated into our sessions.

I also enjoy tapping into elements of 'Transactional Analysis' and 'Existential Therapy'. The first is more focused on how we interact with the world around us, our relationships with other people, what we need from them and what we're willing to give of ourselves. It can highlight patterns in our interactions and point out situations that we often find ourselves in (which we often have more responsibility for that we'd care to admit.) 'Existential Therapy' is about recognising that underlying all our modern problems, we all have fundamental fears as part of being human. Fear of dying, fear of being alone, fear of making the wrong choices and fear of life being meaningless. These are topics that can be very hard to bring up in daily life but affect us all to some degree and I think it's good to normalise talking about them if you need to. 

I'm not saying you need to know all this, or necessarily choose a style of working- elements of all might come into our sessions at different times, but you might have some avenues of exploration that you prefer and we can talk about that. 

Oh and all that 'MBACP accred' stuff? Counsellors in the UK who are worth their salt are part of an ethical body. The most famous currently is the BACP so MBACP just means member of the BACP. I am with the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS), who are a lovely bunch. There isn't much difference between the societies for you to worry about as a client, but it may be worth noting that it takes a lot more training to get into the UKCP so be prepared to pay more, (may be worth it for a specialist though.) And the 'accred' bit? That means the counsellor has done some case studies and a certain number of hours to show they are dedicated and experienced. Some counsellors do this, possibly to open up the option of specialising in something like EMDR therapy (very effective for trauma), but some just focus on their client work and chose not to do this step. 

Still have questions? I'm here to help. Email hannahpurdiecounselling@gmail.com with any concerns or confusions.