Having counselling online can be far easier for many people, and allows more people to access therapy. You needn't worry about how you'll get there, whether the parking ticket will last long enough, defrosting the car or the bus running late. You needn't fret over what you're wearing- will that be interpreted some way? You needn't feel too chilly or too hot in someone else's space, or deal with their particular scents or annoying ticking clock. Instead you can pick your own space to feel safe and comfortable, do the session, then get on with your day- perfect right? Well, actually there are a few things to consider to make sure this is the route for you.

Firstly, in order for you to be able to speak freely, you'll require a place to hold the session where you cannot be overheard and will not be interrupted. This looks different for different people and you need to find a version that suits you. It might be that you retreat to a bedroom and make sure your family knows not to intrude. It may be that you book a time you know you'll have the place to yourself. It might be that you want to wear headphones with a mic to improve your privacy, or do it from a friend's house, or even your car if you're parked somewhere people don't walk past. Take a minute to think about what would suit you best. If you're concerned about being interrupted, we can discuss how you would like to approach this issue to suit your situation and what action you would like me to take should you suddenly cut off the video call.

Just as when people work from home, we know that our houses are full of all kinds of distractions. The doorbell might ring, a parcel may need a signature, the dog may need letting out, the washing machine might start beeping... We are human and these things happen. If they keep happening so much that it feels like your flow is getting interrupted, it might be worth thinking about how you can prepare for your session. Your phone is another distraction, one many of us struggle to let go of. You cannot focus on using your counselling session to its maximum potential if your phone is buzzing.

Also, since the sessions are online, it's important to have a good internet connection to the space you'll be using. Technical difficulties happen to everyone occasionally but let your counsellor know ahead of time if you're not confident using video calls or the computer itself. If your screen keeps freezing or the counsellor cannot hear you, it will disrupt the connection you're trying to make with each other and you won't feel understood, so if you want online counselling it's important to make sure that you have the technology to make it happen.

In terms of understanding each other, it's important to note that how we understand people in person is partly to do with their body language as well as what they say. Video calls allow you to see each other's faces so it's easier than phone calls when it comes to understanding what the other person is going through, but it still limits you to a head and shoulders much of the time. Your counsellor may not see that your hands are twisting in knots while you appear to be talking calmly, and likewise you may not be able to appreciate how attentive your counsellor is being when you cannot see all of them. This is the main reason some people prefer face to face counselling. However, while it may take a little longer to build that trust and fully understand my clients online, I've seen just how successful online counselling can be once you have that strong bond. It's absolutely possible to have a strong therapeutic relationship even if you never meet in person.

Another consideration: some people even find that it feels far easier to let down their barriers working online than if their counsellor was sitting in the room with them. This is called the disinhibition effect and counsellors are aware that you may share something in a candid moment that later you wish unsaid, because you haven't had the time to build that trust yet. I will always try to work at your pace and understand that this may change from session to session. Just because you felt able to share a lot of private truths one week, doesn't mean you have to continue at that pace next time. Instead we might explore what emotions came up for you as a result of that, because that's just as valuable to reflect upon. Not everyone experiences the disinhibition effect, but I wanted to bring it to your awareness so that if you do ever feel you've overshared, you understand that this is likely due to the medium we are using, and not at all a personal fault. (And p.s. from a counsellor's perspective, there is no such thing as oversharing. We want to hear everything you feel the need to share because it helps us understand you better.)

And lastly, if you were doing face to face counselling, you would have some time as you travel to the session and maybe wait to go in, to switch off from work or being a parent or a carer or whatever else you have been busy with, allowing you to focus on yourself and what needs to be shared. Likewise, at the end of a session, you would maybe be able to take a moment in a waiting area to collect yourself, and would likely have a walk or journey home to contemplate or just sit with your emotions. Doing online sessions at home, it's far too easy to stop what you're doing at the last moment to log on, and then carry on with your chores etc straight afterwards, but I think you miss out by doing so. Taking that time either side of the session to focus on your inner world is part of the process, and allows you to make the most of your limited time with your counsellor. Perhaps some kind of ritual would support keeping this habit? Making yourself a warm drink before or after means taking a moment for yourself. Don't rush off, shoving those emotions back in their box because they are uncomfortable. Let them breathe for a few minutes. And then let them go.

Do you have any concerns or questions about having counselling online? If so, please contact me using the form on my homepage, or email hannahpurdiecounselling@gmail.com